I had a reading a few months ago that has stuck in my brain. In order to dislodge it, I'm going to write about it.
The woman who called had a great relationship. Perfect partner, wants to get married, loves her partner SO SO much. Except, the sex life is not so good. And also? She's been seeing her ex-girlfriend in a purely platonic way at outings with friends, and the sex life in THAT relationship was amazing. The relationship was terrible, but the sex was great. SO, would it be bad if she had sex with the ex- and the dream relationship with her current girl?
Um. Yes, bad. Essentially, but not for the reason you'd think.
Some people can cheat. I have, in the past, advised people to cheat on their spouses during readings. It's a pretty case by case basis, but three things they have in common is that they are discreet, kind people, they can separate sex and love, and they usually turn to cheating as a last resort to try to SAVE their current relationship. These are really important distinctions. The problem this client had was that she cannot separate sex and love. It's like her heart is surgically attached to her vagina.
The other reason? She is a discreet, kind person. She can't hold onto a lie. She would start this FrankenPartner experiment and be unable to have a fulfilling relationship with either woman. She would get eaten by the lie and end up with no relationship. No sex. No nothin'. Together, we figured out a better way to get what she needs.
I don't think that all lies are bad. There are some lies that we tell to protect ourselves or others. These aren't bad lies, inherently. I think that the lies that start to corrode us are the ones we use to protect ourselves from ourselves. Makes sense, right?
If my client had lied to her partner by cheating (totally dishonest. totally lying), she would only be doing so to protect herself from her actions. So, essentially, to broaden the terms of this little blog post - 90% of the time - Lying is Bad.
Why is it bad? If you're not a follower of Judeo-Christian ethic, it's not a sin, so who cares, right? I think that WE should care. I don't think I'm being overdramatic here, but I strongly feel like lying chews on your soul.
One of the things we're on this planet is to seek the truth. Whether that be faith or science, friendship or love, our true calling or our true gifts. Anything that deviates from the Truth is bad. Working a job you hate? You feel bad. With a person you don't like? Your relationship sucks. It works as a disease, in the truest sense. DIS - EASE. It makes your soul become ill at ease if you wander too far from your truth.
When I said up there that some people can cheat? It's true. They have no DIS-EASE when it comes to this stuff. They can lie, knowing that the greater good (their relationship) will be saved. If you live a lie - your relationship with that Untrue thing -dissolves. The lie eats your relationship, your work self, your confidence, your life.
When we lie to protect ourselves, there is nothing to dissolve but us. If I don't do something at work that I'm supposed to, and then lie about it, I might well get away with it. BUT I'll know. I'll know that I wasn't honest, that I didn't work hard enough and that knowledge will erode my self-esteem and my estimation of my integrity. This is why I try my damndest never to lie. Plus I suck at it. Plus, I can't ever remember what I said.
The lie will just sit there, being UNTRUE, making me feel dis-ease. Making my soul sick. Gross.
The Seven of Swords is about lying. Dishonesty. Being a dick.
Look to the very left side of the card, though. Do you see those dark figures? Coming over the hill with what looks like a spear raised? Yeah - this guy is busted. Everything done in the dark will eventually come into the light. Even if no one else saw his lie, HE knows. His soul is going to get a pretty good ding on it.
I think that we lie to protect ourselves from ourselves when we don't want to have hard conversations (we're breaking up). When we are afraid to fail (I will never leave this shitty job). When we are certain we can do what we want with other people and remain untouched (cheating). We don't want to have these hard conversations because it's easier to buy the bullshit that we're serving up.
I believe, though, that the act of lying keeps us emotionally immature. It's during the hard conversations that we grow. It's living our truth that makes our lives wonderful. My family always says that our relationship is Hard but Good. We have the hard conversations. We challenge our own status quo. We remember that if we try only to protect ourselves, we leave the other people in our family vulnerable, and isn't that a terrible thing to do to someone you love?
Even worse, though, is damage and disease that we do to ourselves. We hold ourselves back. We impede our progress to the Truth. We save ourselves in the short term, only to suffer in the long term.
If we loved ourselves the way we should, I suspect there would be a lot less DIS-EASE floating around than there is now.
Of course, if we loved ourselves the way we should, I wouldn't ever have any readings to do, or articles to write. *sigh*